Stilt Memories
by Kiyoko Usagi
Summary: "Just come home to me." "This isn't my home. It never was, and it never will be," Hook hissed as he pushed by Peter Pan, forcefully shoving the other aside. "It was your home, Hook!" Peter yelled out to him. "When are you going to realize that I'm the only one who will ever love you?" Sometimes, love is a dish better served cold...
1. Captain Hook

This piece is not proof read, so there are bound to be some mistakes.

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_I see this life_  
_ Like a swinging vine_  
_ Swing my heart across the line_  
_ In my face is flashing signs_  
_ Seek it out and ye shall find..._

Neverland had an unusual way of always appearing as morose and dark as Hook felt whenever he deemed it necessary to pay attention. After seeing bush after bush, tree after tree… one stops paying attention to the foliage, save to make sure nothing smacks a guy in the face that is… Or is thrown at them. Since Neal had returned, Hook never felt safe to let his guard down especially after _that_ moment.

He sighed heavily as he lay against a tree, watching Emma and Neal as they engaged in some private conversation about some private matter in a not so private way. Hook wanted to throw something back at Neal, at least then it would make up for _that_ moment. The pirate brought up his good hand, feeling the cut that had carved itself a home in his face. Were there any good rocks around? No? Disappointed, Hook tore his gaze from the pair and looked to the fire Charming had started. He watched the flames dance in the darkness of the night. There was something off about those flames though, almost like they were laughing at Hook's failure at wooing a woman against a guy with a small beer belly forming and subpar looks. Hook didn't look worse than that…right?

Feeling a bit self conscience suddenly, he tucked his knees under his chin and dared another look at Emma and Neal. What did he have that Hook didn't? _'Kindness, self-sacrificing, empathetic…'_ Hook suppressed a groan as he smacked his head against the rough bark of the tree. The ache at the back of his head subsided his pathetic thoughts. If it came down to it, she'd choose Henry…that's what she said. But why was she speaking to Neal so close? And was that laughter?

He slammed his head against the tree again, this time his vision momentarily blackened. He needed a walk. He stood up abruptly, but wavered as his head protested from his self-inflicted injury.

"You alright there, Hook?" Charming asked as he looked up from where he sat, occasionally poking the fire with a stick.

"Aye, just need to walk a bit."

Charming gave him a long look before nodding in acceptance.

'_Oh get off your high horse…'_ Hook walked briskly into the woods, swatting at leaves and branches as they came his way, almost like they were trying to tease him about his current losing battle. After a few yards, Hook started to feel guilty about his mental jab at Charming. Despite their differences at the start, Charming was beginning to come around, perhaps he was even beginning to _like_ the bloody pirate. _'I'll just be best friends with her father, what could possibly go wrong there?'_ He rolled his eyes at the thought. He'd never be able to think innocently if Emma came into a room, and he didn't exactly relish in the idea of Charming coming at him with a baseball bat after catching Hook looking to his daughter's posterior.

They could be friends… just not _that_ close of friends.

Hook found a quiet clearing, full of tall grass that seemed to be touched with a light streak of silver as the moon gazed down adoringly. He lay down in the grass, not caring that it was a tad itchy, or about any bug that may come about his way.

"You're not as fun as you used to be," an all too familiar voice stated begrudgingly.

Hook didn't bother to sit up. He knew Pan was somewhere in the grasses with him. He only continued to stare up at the moon.

"Maybe if I don't feed it, it'll go away…" Hook said dismissively. He felt Pan's body lie beside him, a bit too close for comfort at the moment. Memories of a time he'd rather not think about were threatening to break the dam he'd kept going strong for so long.

"You find yourself clever, Hook?" Pan retorted. "You were never one with words, though you do have a gifted tongue…"

Hook closed his eyes, trying not to hear the suggestive tone in Pan's voice. He clawed at his resolve, begging it to stay strong; keep the dam up, just a little bit longer…

"What's your end-game, Pan?" he asked with closed eyes. He couldn't look at that face… Not here… He was surprised he hadn't recognized this specific landmark before. Out of all the landmarks in Neverland, and _this_ was the one he'd forgotten?

"What's the point of a game if you already know how I plan to win?"

Hook felt soft fingers walk up the side of his rib cage, dancing with triumph. They continued further up to Hook's neck before the pirate opened his eyes and grabbed those soft fingers within his own. The violent force of the action granted Hook with a vulnerable yelp from Pan's mouth… and that's when the memories came flooding.

_The moon painted the world in cold shadows ranging from light gray to deep black hues. Despite how lifeless the world looked, there was an elegant touch to it. The grays seemed to look almost…silver to Hook as he lay in the grass. It wasn't too long, just long enough to brush at his ears teasingly. The rock just a few yards away seemed to practically glow, but that may have had something to do with whom was currently sitting atop that smooth rock._

_Pan had his eyes closed as he played his pipe. The notes were soft and mournful, almost as if they were trying to reach out to someone who'd long been gone, yet there was a small bit of hope, like the person wasn't dead… just simply missing. The boy stopped abruptly, smiling shyly like Hook caught him in one of his most intimate of moments. "Sorry. Sometimes I forget others are around when I play."_

"_I like when you play." Hook brought his hands to cradle his head from the soft Earth, making it easier for him to look at Peter. _

_Despite the compliment, Pan didn't seem to be affected by it. He simply shrugged, slipping down from the rock and jogging over to Hook where he dove onto the man's body, lying his head in the crook of Hook's neck._

_A pang of guilt made its way into Hook's heart. He had been on the island long enough to feel true anguish, anger, and hatred, yet he couldn't break away from the one thing he wanted to break away from the most. Pan had a hold of his heart, but it wasn't the kind that gave a man warm and fuzzy feelings. It was a carnal desperation, a simple fix to help dissipate the pain. It was because he was weak, and there was no way around that. _

"_What are you thinking?" Pan asked as he propped himself up on one elbow, tracing Hook's jaw with his fingers. _

"_You don't need to know," Hook responded._

_A darkness crept into Peter's eyes, a sure sign that he didn't like what he'd been told. He rolled his lips, like he was trying to find something to say, but Hook knew the boy was already three steps ahead. And sure enough, he was already three steps ahead. He moved quickly, like water trickling down a mountain, coming to hold Hook's waist with his own, slender legs. He chewed his bottom lip innocently, though Hook was smart enough to know it wasn't a sincere gesture. "I want to know though…" Peter said as he walked his fingers up the pirate's chest, coming to cradle his face. Hook closed his eyes, as if that would make this any easier for him to endure. Endure… He wasn't that foolish. He wanted this. His skin cried out for Pan's touch, or his soft, shy kisses. He longed to feel those lithe arms around his torso at night as the fire died… Though, the harsh reality of it was, Pan was hardly there with him at night, and his kisses were never shy, just strategic. It killed Hook how addicted he was to the teen, but knew he was a simple game to the other. _

"_You didn't have to kill them…" Hook blurted._

_Pan rolled his head, smirking as his small triumph was easily earned. "If they don't play their part, I have no use for them. I'd be remiss if I just kept hoarding orphans. Who do you think feeds them all?"_

"_Food can appear right out of thin air," Hook hissed as Peter decided this conversation wasn't where he wanted to go. The teen rolled his hips into Hook's, taunting him with rather overt suggestions. _

"_Then why don't we make some chocolate drizzle and play a game of our own then?" Peter suggested as he moved to untie the drawstrings at the top of Hook's tunic. _

_The pirate rolled, forcing Pan to disappear and then reappear a few yards away, standing with eyes narrow and his jaw clenched. _

"_They're children, Pan!" Hook screamed. "You killed them because they were crying!"_

_Despite the sudden outburst, Peter wasn't affected in the least. He leaned into one of his legs and placed a hand to his hip. "And?"_

_Hook was so exasperated at even trying that he just shook his head and began to walk away from the meadow. _

"_Killian!" Peter called out, suddenly appearing in front of the pirate, his face adored with sorrow and regret. "Don't leave me. Not like this." _

_Hook knew it was all an act. Peter was no more inclined to even suggest at an apology than he was to actually feel guilt. But Hook couldn't withstand it. He wrapped his arms around Peter, pulling their bodies flush against one another and took the boy in with a deep, wet kiss. His lips claimed the other as he moved his fingers to intertwine with the boy's hair. A soft yelp escaped those small lips as Peter seemed momentarily surprised at the passion that Hook had exuded. _

"_You're not angry?" Peter asked, his cheeks flushed and lips swollen._

"_How can I be angry with you?" Hook asked before claiming those lips in his once more, knowing all too well Pan was only allowing him to do so just so he could continue with his sick game. _

Hook didn't know how long he'd kept Pan's hand in his own, but he immediately dropped it as he was pulled from his memories, taking a few steps away from the teen as if he were radioactive.

Pan didn't let the opportunity go astray though. He stood there, his brow momentarily furrowed in a light concern. Hook wanted to punch him. Every gaze, every touch… It had all been a lie, and no matter how many times Hook had tried to escape, he just never could… until his misery became too much, and he'd left to seek out the only thing he could destroy; The Dark One. After all, Pan couldn't die, at least, not to Hook's knowledge.

"We don't have to play this game, Killian," Peter said softly.

Hook simply shook his head, trying to turn away from Pan but the boy was there in front of him again.

"Just come home to me."

"This isn't my home. It never was, and it never will be," Hook hissed as he pushed by Peter Pan, forcefully shoving the other aside.

Hook could feel those eyes locked in such a strong gaze at his back. He ground his teeth together, smashing them as hard as he could, trying to withstand the urge to turn around. _'You're disgusting…'_ Hook thought.

"It was your home, Hook!" Peter yelled out to him. "When are you going to realize that I'm the only one who will ever love you?"

Hook kept walking. He wished he hadn't heard those words. It was a cruel, vicious, unspeakable game that Pan was playing. With each step, Hook's resolve waxed and waned. He wanted to turn around, but he didn't. He wanted to just give up and give in, but he couldn't! Pan didn't love him. It was all a lie… Hook knew it was. It had to be. Peter Pan was incapable of love. Or so all the stories said…


	2. Peter Pan

This is a multi chaptered story. I write when I've got time though. I'm preparing for the LSAT in a few weeks, so depending on my mood / stress level. This definitely does help me release stress though :) I'm also aware this may not be entirely "in character." But it's in character to me inside his head, in this story. Again, not proofread. XD

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_I think I'm drowning_  
_ Asphyxiated_  
_ I wanna break this spell_  
_ That you've created_  
_ You're something beautiful_  
_ A contradiction_  
_ I wanna play the game_  
_ I want the friction_

Peter was running out of time. He paced back and forth at his camp, his mind completely unaware of the gazes that were locked to his figure. Back and forth he kept going near the fire. Henry had to believe in him. He had to believe, fully, and utterly; unconditionally. Time was running out, and with that, he would lose everything. The night hadn't gone exactly as planned, from Hook to Henry. He'd tried as best as he could to reach out to Hook. The pirate had always liked those dirty games they used to play with various sweets and warm, silken chocolate. The time Hook had spent away from Neverland changed him. Peter couldn't recognize this man. The man he used to know was full of anger, sorrow and excitement, and Peter had tried to be the void that filled the gap in his heart. This one didn't need that gap filled; there was something already there…

'_Emma?'_ No. It wasn't that simple. Hook certainly had feelings for her, but they weren't nearly to the magnitude the pirate's affections used to be for Pan. Perhaps it had been the years pushing Liam's death away from Killian's mind? No. There would always be pain in Hook's heart for the loss of his brother. Perhaps it was something much, much simpler? What if he just…didn't need Pan anymore?

Peter stopped dead in his tracks, a look of horror flashed across his face and he instantly turned to run up into one of the trees. He climbed swiftly, hardly even grasping each branch as he went up. From his perch, he could see a glowing far off in the distance. They were getting closer… Time was running short.

Still, despite the risks of dawdling, Peter sat atop his branch, a finger tracing his lips as he tried to grasp at the memories he hadn't truly appreciated till Hook had left his side. He watched the dim light from the fire twinkle in the distance. What was Hook doing now at this very moment? He rested his head against the tree, closing his eyes as he tried to inhale the smoky air around that fire, or perhaps even get a small whiff of sweet rum and leather. That had always been Hook's smell, regardless of how drunk or sober he was. Peter could recall that smell so distinctly it was like it was yesterday…

_Peter ran throughout the forest, laughing as he went, turning around occasionally to see if the pirate was still chasing him. Peter had a particular interest in always playing a bit of cat and mouse before he got close and personal with his pirate. His… A smug smile played at the boy's red lips as he stopped running, waiting to hear the harsh, uneven thuds of his lover's feet chasing after him. Instead, he got only silence. _

_Peter furrowed his brow as he took a few steps forward, unsure as to where Hook had gone. Did he lose him? He wasn't running that fast. Arms reached out, enveloping his waist and pulling him back before he even had the chance to call out Hook's name. The teen laughed out in surprise as he turned to see Hook had found him. _

"_Don't think you can out run me," Hook said as he nuzzled his nose into Pan's neck. _

_Peter laughed as he turned into Hook's embrace. "I can always outrun an adult…" he replied before placing a soft kiss at the crook of the pirate's neck. He broke their embrace, pulling Hook along by the tips of his fingers, which the other easily complied, following behind Pan. "I thought I'd lost you though."_

"_You'll never lose me," Hook replied, almost too quickly. _

_Peter scowled, turning away from the pirate. Time stopped here, well, at least for everyone but Pan. While he didn't age, he had a limited amount of time before his life ran out. Could he tell Killian? Should he? Maybe a lie was better… After all, he just needed Killian to believe in him… If he believed Pan was immortal, that only worked in Pan's favor? _

_Peter led Hook through the foliage of the woods, keeping silent, but his fingers still were firmly clasped into Hook's. Water echoed not far off in the distance and with a few more paces, the pair was standing on the precipice of a river. "This way," Peter said as he walked further down, toward the waterfall. _

"_We going swimming?" Hook asked. _

"_No. I have something far more interesting planned," Peter replied suggestively. At the top of the river was a small waterfall, but it still gurgled and rushed water atop its shoulders and down into the river. He looked back at Hook's comically confused features. "Close your eyes."_

_Hook raised a brow, giving the boy a longing look before submitting. Peter ran behind Hook, hiding away his eyes with his hands and gently guiding the man to the waterfall. The rushing water echoed louder with each step they took, but suddenly got so quiet one could hardly hear it as they entered a small cavern behind the waterfall. Peter pulled his hands away, stepping back to watch Hook's reaction. _

_Hook stared at the marvel. Instead of rock, it was glistening diamond, smooth and ethereal. "Peter…" Hook whispered, almost as if the cavern would shatter if he spoke too loud. "This is beautiful." _

_Peter moved behind the pirate, hugging him from behind. "You're beautiful."_

_Despite the compliment, no positive reaction emitted from Hook, if anything, it was quite the opposite. He seemed to recoil just a bit, and his body went rigid. Peter broke his embrace, watching Hook for a moment. Each time Pan tried to show some form of true affection, Hook always recoiled, yet he'd say things like "they'd always be together," or "you'll never lose me…" How could a man who said such solidifying things recoil so easily? It made Pan mad with confusion. _

_The teen merely pursed his lips, his brows contorting higher before coming to rest at their natural position. He kicked at a stray diamond, listening to it echo off the water that still rushed down in front of them. "We going to stand here all day, or we going to have a bit of fun?" Peter asked a bit rudely. _

_Hook turned to him once more, a look of resignation crossing his pristine features. "Why not? This place needs a few dings in the walls anyway…" _

Peter sighed, his eyes fluttering open as the memories of hot, naked flesh pressed into each other, or how Hook always gasped just as he found his way inside Pan. Peter rushed the thoughts away from his mind, shaking his head for good measure. Those days were clearly gone. This Hook that Emma brought with her, it wasn't Pan's Hook. He wasn't _his_. His Hook would have rejoiced at seeing Peter again. His Hook would have embraced him tightly before carrying him off to make love. This Hook wasn't the same. He was almost…too cold. It had been a desperate mistake, but a mistake nonetheless. Pan had tried to apologize a thousand times, but Hook would never hear it out. Though, how do you forgive someone for such an act as that? Pan understood why Hook left, but he'd always thought the man would come back, after all… he would always come back. He'd come back to Neverland thus far…so why wasn't he coming back to him?


	3. The Pirate

While this is taking place in season 3, it does not follow it as closely as some other fanfiction may. If this displeases you, this may not be the best story for you. This is very centered around Hook and Peter's relationship. This one is proof read!

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_Why can't you want me like the other boys do?_  
_ They stare at me while I stare at you_  
_ Why can't I keep you safe as my own?_  
_ One moment I have you the next you are gone_  
_ Rehearsed steps on an empty stage_  
_ That boy's got my heart in a silver cage_  
_ Why can't you want me like the other boys do?_  
_ They stare at me while I crave you_

Hook was tired. He felt that they had been going in a never-ending circle. The hot, muggy air coated his throat, making it harder to breathe and his heels cried out in agony as his leather boots enveloped them just a bit too snug. He wanted to quit. All he had to do, was sit down and just tell them to go on. He'd remain here, and they would all leave him behind. None of them cared about him anyway. They called him _pirate_, _selfish_, _untrustworthy_… It was odd though, how "pirate" was the one that hurt the most. He was selfish, he deserved being called "untrustworthy," but he had never hid being a pirate. He had changed his life after his brother had died, turning to a life of piracy and accepting all that came with it, yet when they spat the word as if it meant the most vile of things, it hurt him a bit, making him almost ashamed.

Even Peter Pan never made him feel so…vile. There were certainly many words to go around in that setting, but not once did Pan use "pirate" as a way to insult Hook.

"Hook!" Charming called out over his shoulder. "You're falling behind."

That's when Emma turned around. Hook noticed he was several meters away from her, making her all the more approachable by Neal, who was just barely out of arm's reach from her. Charcoal rimmed eyes gazed at long, unruly blonde hair and high cheek bones. He had wished their kiss had meant more to her. Perhaps telling everyone about Neal had been a mistake, or had Pan known all along that this would happen? What game was that child up to? Did he think that just because Emma rejected Hook that the pirate would come crashing down into the teen's arms, awaiting those soft kisses and light touches?

'_Cheeky bastard…'_ Despite Hook's assumptions, there was a lingering thought, playing on the chords at the nape of his neck that thought there was something almost resigned in Peter's actions. He hadn't forced Hook back, in fact, if it hadn't been for Hook's behavior in Storybrooke, the pirate wouldn't even be in Neverland. Peter had only small attempts at speaking to Hook, and only once had it been about the two of them. Hook chewed his bottom lip as he realized he'd fallen too far behind and an impatient Prince Charming was walking toward him with crossed arms and a gaze that said more than just simple irritation.

"You feeling okay?" Charming asked.

Hook merely smirked. "Thirsty, is all. Seems my rums gone dry." _'Lies you stupid pirate, you're confused, slightly heartbroken, unsure of yourself, and afraid…'_

Charming's gaze narrowed into disbelief. "Pan's camp has been traveling further, and further from us. Henry needs us, more and more every hour and all you can think about is the last time you drank? How can you go from saving my life one minute, to…this," he gestured to all of Hook. "In a split second?"

"Called being a _pirate_, mate." With that, Hook began walking, lightly brushing his shoulder against the prince's. He saw Charming's disapproving head shake and heard that heavy sigh, but he kept on.

They had walked a few more miles before Emma called it a night. Hook watched from his corner of the camp as she angrily threw her sword down and began arguing with Neal. Hook presupposed the said topic of such a heated debate was Henry. He sat back, crossing his arms over his chest with a smirk gently hinting at his features. He turned his attention to the fire Regina had created, watching as the flames hungrily consumed the air around them, gulping and spurting for more. He stood up, walking away from the strong fire and moved further and further into the blackness of the forest. At first, he didn't really know why he wanted to be rid of his "companions." He had found them all to be tolerable in one way or another, at least on most nights. Even the argument Emma and Neal were having was something Hook would enjoy. Suddenly, he knew exactly why he wanted the solace of the tall trees and heavy shadows. The farther he was away from them, the more of a chance he had to see Pan again… Even if the idea sickened him to the core. He felt like he should loathe the boy, but such a strong emotion danced with adoration and love, and Hook was smitten with painful memories and a heavy heart.

He snaked his way through the heavy trees with their lounging vines and lush leaves before simply sinking down to his knees and closing his eyes. He was tired. He hadn't been so tired in years. His body was fatigued, but that was always temporary. His mind was beyond its limits of exhaustion. Every day, every minute that he spent here, something reminded him of Peter Pan, even knowing Neverland's very existence reminded Hook of Peter Pan! Despite his past with him, he wanted that boy, though "boy" seemed like such a strange word. Peter seemed so much older, wiser than most Hook had ever come in contact with. Those eyes had such tales in them, if only Peter would just let Hook know them… Maybe their relationship wouldn't have gone the way it had...

He opened his eyes, seeing endless brush and darkness laid out before him. Neverland had a very interesting way of showing exactly how one felt, Hook knew very well of this strange occurrence as when he first came to the island, it was so bright and full of promise, and after his brother died, he never saw the sunlight…

"Reminiscing on old times, Hook?"

He couldn't contain his fluttering heart as it tried to launch itself at that silken voice. Hook sat up on his knees, looking around much more alert now, trying to find where Peter was hiding.

"Only good thoughts right? Neverland has no place for bad ones…" Peter taunted as he came into view, swaying his hips seductively. Hook watched those hips like one would watch a clock's pendulum.

"You never told me," Hook said softly. He couldn't look Peter in the face, but he could still watch those delicious hips…

Peter came to squat in front of him, cocking his head to the side with a brow raised high above the other. Hook resisted the urge to brush his nose up against the other's. How? How did Pan have such a strong grip around his heart, even if they hadn't been together for so long? Even when it had ended the way it had?

"If we left. You never told me."

Peter's mouth contorted into a thin, hard line. "I _told_ you that you couldn't leave Neverland unless you were willing to pay the price."

"But you never told me the price was my brother's life." Hook finally raised his gaze to lock with Peter's. In that instant, a surge of emotions came through his body, cascading over his spine, rushing through his veins and slamming into his heart. He swallowed hard. There he was… Hook came out to find him, and here he was… He had so many questions, so many lingering thoughts, yet none seemed appropriate or as if Peter would ever answer. How did a _child_ have such a strong grip on his heart? It was disgusting! Infuriating! He wanted to ball his hands into fists and punch that perfectly sculpted, innocent face. It was all an act anyway… There was no innocence within the teen, just a monster lurking deep within soft porcelain skin.

Peter rolled his eyes, moving to sit cross legged in front of Hook. "It's been a long time, Hook. Why are you still in the past?"

"Why aren't you?" Hook blurted back. Again, he watched as Peter raised a single eyebrow.

"Is this your way of saying you still have feelings for me?" Peter asked, craning his neck a bit so that his lips were close to Hook's neck. He moved back, settling back into his cross-legged position.

Hook didn't want to answer, he wanted to scoff, stand up, brush the dirt off his pants and walk back to Emma, back to Prince Charming and even Snow and her purest of hearts, but he didn't. He closed his eyes, leaning his head back against a thin tree branch and sighed.

"I don't know," he finally answered.

Peter nodded, his lips teasing at a small smile. "I'll take what I can get, I suppose." He stood up, turning his back to Hook.

The pirate wanted to reach up and grab Pan's hand, but he resisted. Desperation was an ugly trait, one that he never found appealing, even within himself.

_It was cold… Neverland didn't get cold, and yet Hook was freezing as he hastily tried to create a fire with a piece of flint and some wood. Peter lounged behind him; his feet curling into the warmth of Hook's back. Hook could feel those small toes as they lifted up his tunic and pressed themselves against the small of his back, causing him to almost shiver at how ice cold the boy felt. "I can't bloody get it!" Hook said exasperated, throwing up his hands in frustration. _

_Peter looked passed the pirate and at the dark fire pit. "Keep trying," he bluntly said before going back to playing his panpipes. Hook turned, knocking the boy's feet away from him as he glared angrily at Peter's surprised face. _

"_I have kept trying. Why are you refusing to use magic?" he spat._

"_Because." The teen shrugged. Hook stood up, pacing angrily and kicking at the base of a tall tree. _

"_You're such a brat," he snarled under his breath, but it was loud enough that he was sure Peter heard him._

_The boy rose up, floating a bit in the air as he glared at Hook. The air seemed to get even colder. He settled back on his feet, but his glare hadn't let up in the slightest. _

_Hook faltered under that heavy gaze… He averted his eyes, using his own arms to wrap himself in any warmth he could get. "I just…"_

"_You just gave up. You got angry, desperate and impatient, and so you gave up," Peter spat. "Is that the way of a pirate? To give up when something seems hard? To just turn around and walk the other way?"_

"_If I gave up when things got hard, I'd have left you a long time ago," Hook countered, regaining some strength despite the bitter cold. He straightened out his shoulders, trying to appear much larger than the boy before him._

_Peter laughed, but it was forced and dark. Hook felt his stomach churn. He hated that laugh… _

"_You don't believe in me at all do you?" _

_Hook cocked a brow at Peter. _

_Pan motioned to the fresh wood in the fire pit. "I'm just like those pieces of wood to you. You see me as cold…indifferent even."_

"_Among other things…" Hook mumbled, but his anger was still too apparent to have suggested anything polite. _

_Peter bit his bottom lip, clearly in aggravation. Hook was pressing the right buttons, and he was enjoying every second he seemed to have the upper hand. "I wanted you to light that fire so I could see you were willing to try, to put forth some kind of effort, just as I want you to put forth some kind of effort in us. You fight with me, every. Single. Step. Of the way. I just wanted to see you act for us instead of me acting for us…just once." _

_Peter stormed off, leaving a rather alarmed and confused Hook. He picked up the piece of flint, rolling it in his fingers, feeling its soft surface and sharp edges. He could sum up his entire relationship in this single piece of flint with Peter. "I don't trust you…" Hook said barely above a whisper. _

"Is this you trying to apologize?" Hook said as he removed himself from his thoughts. "Because it certainly isn't working…"

Peter turned back to Hook, his cheeks flushed and his eyes a bit too full of anguish. Just for a single moment…a tiny sliver of existence, Hook actually thought the boy was sorry for what he had done all those years ago…

"I made a mistake, Killian…" Peter said through clenched teeth.

"Hook!" a voice shouted. The pirate turned to see a torch coming his way, hearing the twigs snap and leaves brush lightly against one another. He turned back to where Pan had been standing, but there was no trace of him.

Charming came out of the brush, looking around, almost seeming surprised that Hook wasn't alone.

"Yes?" Hook asked.

Charming looked around a bit more before turning his attention to the pirate. "I thought…"

"What? That I was having a lovely conversation with myself?"

Charming laughed softly, nodding in acceptance. "Yeah. This island plays tricks on you apparently." He offered a hand to Hook, whom accepted.

"That it certainly does…"


	4. A Pan and a Hook

I'm finished with the LSAT. Let's hope I get into Law School... This is not edited. I really appreciate all the kind words everyone has said to me. I write fanfiction to amuse myself, but it's nice to share it with others.

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_You shouted out_  
_ But I can't hear a word you say_  
_ I'm talking loud not saying much_  
_ I'm criticized but all your bullets ricochet_  
_ Shoot me down, but I get up_

Peter had no right to feel the rage that coursed, white hot through his veins, he had no right to feel the sting at the corners of his eyes as tears threatened to fall, and he certainly had no right to feel anything but regret. Hook was walking a thin line between giving in again, and turning away but what made it all the more maddening to Peter, was that he was almost sure Hook would turn away if he didn't intervene.

When Hook had left the island, Peter had let him go peacefully. He had wronged Hook in a way most lovers would never even dream to do, and he felt that was the only way he could make up for his sin, but now Hook was here again, and Peter wanted nothing more than to feel that man's skin rough against his own. There was a craving, a carnal, heated desire residing in the weaving of Peter's nerves and each and every molecule screamed maddeningly out to the semi-immortal being for Hook's affections again. Still, how does a relationship come back…from that?

Peter slammed his head against the branches that were tangled behind him. He groaned loudly. He had been patient. He'd let Hook come to him each and every time, save once… But now he couldn't withstand it. If Hook had time to think, he could walk away, and Peter couldn't accept that, not when so much had been left unsaid, so much left unexplained. No apology had ever been given, only silence and short exchanges of glances, but not once had Peter said, "I'm sorry…" Though, he didn't know if those words would ever befall his lips.

"You've been coming up here too much," a deep voice said from below. Peter looked down to see Felix's half hidden face. Pan swung from the branches, landing softly atop the ground.

"I've had a lot of thinking to do," Peter stated.

Felix nodded slowly, moving his staff from one hand to the other. "They're getting closer. Our scouts spotted them not but a few kilometers away."

"Then move the camp. I'm not ready to give up just yet."

"You're wasting time, Pan," Felix said sternly. "We need to use Henry now."

"No… It's more complicated than that," Peter said as he moved to lean against one of the trees. "A lot more complicated."

"Captain Hook?" Felix said in awe. "He left _you_."

Peter furrowed his brow, his muscles worked hard not to allow his mouth the proper formation to break down and cry. "I didn't exactly do anything that would have made him want to stay."

"What really happened? You never told any of us," Felix said as he went to sit on a fallen tree.

Peter could tell that his statement was much more loaded than a simple fact. Felix hated to be left in the dark. In truth, Felix was the closest thing Peter had to a true friend, but he was always recoiling, never getting too close to the Lost Boy. Old habit, he guessed. "Not now, Felix," Peter said as he began walking toward camp. "We've got to move. I need more time."

They had spent most of the night moving the camp from one corner of Neverland to an entirely different one. It wasn't that hard, when you had magic, but most of the Lost Boy's were just as magicless as those from the world around Storybrooke. Plus, Peter made most of them take their own belongings and march just so he had more time to think.

He'd wronged Hook. He'd defiled their relationship for selfish reasons, reasons he was close to doing again. But it had never been a lie… Each time he'd say those three little words, he had meant them with his whole being. Each time he kissed those shoulders, ran his fingers down that strong back, or gasped out his name… He'd meant each and every word. Hook had never been more distant than when Peter was trying to show him how much he cared. Each game, each test, it had only pushed Hook further and further away. In panic, Peter had tried the unthinkable. But it had all gone so horribly wrong. Just as most of their relationship that had gone…oh so horribly wrong.

_Peter hated to see him angry. The way the creases between his brows elongated, or how his nose scrunched up in a vicious snarl, it made him look more beast than beauty. Still, he watched as Killian threw whatever he could at the wooden walls they called their home in the canopy of the trees. He watched as wooden bowls were smashed, dried fruits and veggies were tossed to the floor, and listened as shouting and insults came his way. Why wouldn't he just hit him? Why couldn't he just raise his fist and get it over with? Why words? They hurt worse… They cut further into Peter's skin than any wound had ever. So he watched… paralyzed in the fright that had etched itself into his soul, pouring concrete over his body, and maintained its grasp there until he cracked…_

"_Don't you have anything to say?" Killian shouted, his eyes round in maddening rage. "Anything at all to justify your vile behavior?"_

"_No."_

_Killian seemed to compose himself slightly, running his fingers over his face roughly and moaning in anguish. "I hate you sometimes… I hate you so much that I want nothing more than to take my fingers and snap your little neck."_

_Peter only blinked at the remark. It was his fault… _'Just hit me already… Hit me and get it over with!'_ Yet no matter how many times he thought that this was finally when Killian would raise his hand, he never did. _

_A loud 'thwack' echoed in the small room. Peter gazed at Killian's hook. The pirate had dug it into the wall, breathing heavily; looking at Peter with what could have been madness, or obsession. The pirate moved to Peter, pulling him into a rough kiss, his five o'clock shadow roughly rubbing against Peter's smooth features. It stung, but Peter didn't care. He kissed back, feeling teeth bite roughly at his lips, only to be messaged by a hot tongue. Roughly, he was pushed back against the wall, another thwack, and Peter only opened his eyes to see a hook just barely a few centimeters from his face. He could practically feel the cold radiate from it. "Look at me!" Killian growled._

_Peter's gaze moved to fix upon Killian's eyes. _

"_You ever do something like that again, and I'll leave… I won't be your toy…" the pirate threatened._

_Pan wrapped his arms around the man's middle, pushing his face into his chest and inhaling that leather scent. "I won't…" _

It was a shame… Peter thought as he stopped walking for a moment, watching Felix's back as he continued down the path with the last of their belongings. Peter had done that "thing" again… He had done it so many more times. Each time… Each time he had allowed the Lost Boys to hunt Hook, trap him, beat him, Peter had allowed it. Each cut…each scar, they were all inflicted by his group, and each time, no matter how angry Hook had gotten, he would forgive Peter. It only taught Peter to do it more-

For when Hook was yelling at him, at least he was telling Peter how much he loved him...

* * *

_You shoot me down but I won't fall_  
_ I am titanium_  
_ You shoot me down but I won't fall_  
_ I am titanium_

"Damn it!" Emma shouted as she wrinkled up Pan's map in frustration. "It's moved again…"

"What? No!" Mary Margaret lurched forward, looking at the parchment, sucking in her lips to suppress what Hook thought would have been a curse word. He simply rolled his shoulders. This was all a game to Peter, and he knew that when the camp moved, it was because Emma had been too close for comfort…

"It's his best defense," Hook stated. He was haunted by his lingering adoration for the boy, but that had been the past. He had to put it behind him. In the end, it was all lies. In the end… no sacrifice, no excuse could salvage the broken relationship they pretended worked.

All eyes turned to Hook, so he took that as his cue to take the map, and point at a few chosen spots. "Peter moves the camp when you get too close. You need someone to distract his many eyes on the island. No eyes, no sight…no moving camp."

"But how do we do that? We don't even know how he's watching us," Emma stated.

"Guy's damn creepy…" Neal said.

Hook suppressed the urge to punch him, or run his hook into his jaw…

"Magic," Regina stated. "We block out his sights with magic."

"How exactly are you going to do that? Pan's magic is stronger than any of ours," Emma said.

Hook knew this plan was futile, but it gave him more time to consider what was happening. Though, having more time just meant more time to consider going back to Pan, and not necessarily leaving him. Still, he wasn't ready to just leave yet. Each time he'd thought he was, there was something Peter did that just kept him coming back for more…

_The sun's soothing caress radiated softly off Hook's torso as he lay atop white sand, listening to the calm rhythm of the waves. It had stormed for several days, most likely because of Hook's and Peter's moods, but finally they had decided to stop fighting and start working together again. Hook shifted, feeling his spine crack a bit as he inhaled, taking in new memories, new feelings and releasing all the bad. _

_Soft fingers danced atop his torso, tracing his abdomen's outline and hovering almost too close to his more ticklish sides. "I hate being tickled," he warned teasingly._

_A warm nose brushed up against his neck before the weight of someone else came down on his abdomen. He opened his eyes to see Peter straddling him, a very playful smirk atop those features. _

"_Yes?" Hook asked, but he couldn't suppress the smile that had found its way to his face._

"_You're boring when you just…lie here," Peter stated crinkling up his nose a bit. "Let's build a castle!"_

_Using his magic, Peter floated off Hook, landing gently a few meters away where the sand was perfect for building sand castles. "C'mon!" He playfully flicked some of the sand at Hook._

_The pirate slowly sat up, sighing in defeat as he trudged over in the sand to Peter where he kneeled against the soft beach, feeling his knees break the smooth surface as the sand gave way. _

"_I used to make the best sand castles with-" Abruptly, Peter stopped, his brow furrowing as it looked he found himself visiting an unpleasant memory. _

"_I've never been good at them," Hook said, trying to ease Peter out of his sadness. "Perhaps with you as my guide though, we can create the most fantastic of all sand castles." He kissed Peter on the cheek softly, his good hand coming to graze against Peter's._

"_You're always so good to me, Killian," Peter said, offering a smile, though the emotion didn't reach his eyes. Hook watched as Peter's shoulders sank and how he chewed his bottom lip softly as if he were trying to harden himself from breaking down._

"_You can tell me anything, you know," Hook said as he smoothed out the sand he'd built into a soft, sloping mound. _

_Peter retracted his hands, placing them on his lap as he sat back atop his legs. His brow was furrowed, like he was thinking far too hard. "I love you," Peter said. "I love you so much sometimes that I forget why I'm so sad in the first place."_

_Hook stared at the boy, not having been prepared for such a raw revelation. He licked his bottom lip slowly, his mind trying to steady itself, but it felt as if it was stumbling, struggling to climb the mountain that was Peter's words. "Sad?" He said hoarsely. _

_Peter smiled, his resolve hardening around him again as he moved to the other side of their slowly forming castle. He waved his hand atop the damp sand, pulling the tiny particles every which way until there before them was a castle high atop a hill, looking as if it could fall at any moment, yet it didn't. Peter stood up, brushing off the sand from his shins and shrugging. "I'm bored. Let's go swim!" He ran for the waves that lapped at the beach._

_Hook sat there for a moment, watching Peter run into the waves, watching as his body crashed with the ocean, seeing the sea foam rise into the air before falling back into its body. Sad? What made Peter Pan so sad? What made Hook so special? Shaking his head softly, he set the thought aside. After all, Peter Pan was a child, a boy who knew nothing else but pleasure and selfishness. Peter didn't know love. How could a child know true, real, love? _

"Hook!" Neal said, waving his hand in front of the pirate's face. "Earth to Hook!"

Hook swatted Neal's hand from his face, giving the man a quick death glare before looking at all the gazes that locked on his face. "Let me handle the distraction. Work your magic on finding Henry, Regina. You all forget…" Hook offered a rather hyperbolic, charming smile. "Pan and I go way back…"


	5. Pan

Not proof read. I listen to extremely depressing music when I write this. I don't know if that's a good thing or not.

* * *

_His little whispers,_  
_ "Love me, love me_  
_ That's all I ask for_  
_ Love me, love me."_  
_ He battered his tiny fists to feel something_  
_ Wondered what it's like to touch and feel something_

Peter watched as the group departed from Hook. He'd heard their plan, though this one, he wouldn't mess up, at least, not entirely. He was well prepared for anything that came his way on Emma's front, but not Hook's. Thus was why he kept to the shadows, watching Hook pace back and forth. Hook was the anomaly Pan never planned on experiencing. Where love once was, even if there had been hatred and resentment, there was devotion. What kind of devotion did Hook have to Emma? Was it stronger than the bond he once shared with Peter? The thought felt like two hands coming to cradle his heart despite it being nestled in his chest. Those hands were cold and the nails were just a tad too sharp. It wasn't a deathly blow, but it was enough to be constant, and slightly painful.

Peter slunk through the shadows, his lithe form moving swiftly as if he was merely a soft breath of wind. He tailed Hook, watching the man move further and further away from the area the group had all convened in. Peter knew exactly what was going on, and he was also extremely sure Hook knew he was being followed. Still…Peter kept to Hook's plan, being the ever-compliant villain. _'You see me as a monster...so a monster I've become...'_

Hook stopped at a cliff, looking down at the jagged, rocky waters that lay beneath. Peter knew this cliff well. Part of him was astonished Hook would choose such a place, but perhaps the memory was just as fresh in the pirate's mind as it was in Peters. Perhaps that was Hook's way of saying that his luring of Peter was important and not just some ploy to get Emma back her son.

"I know you're there," Hook finally said, shattering the silence with his raspy, velvet voice.

Peter came into view, his face blank and unreadable, though there was so much going on inside. He waited, giving Hook the power to lead this encounter in any way he saw fit.

The pirate looked down at the rocks again. "You remember this place?"

"Of course," Peter responded, unsure if he should take a step forward or not. He waited, shifting his weight from side to side.

Hook smiled, though it wasn't warm, friendly or inviting. It was pained and desperate. "I could have…you know. I would have…"

"I know, Killian."

Hook looked like he was several steps from breaking down again. There was such a storm under that skin, Peter could practically see its lighting surge through the man's veins with uncertainty and hear the thunder of clouded thoughts of "what if's and "buts."

That day… that day that seemed like it was so long ago now. It had appeared to be one of the best days of Peter's existence, but it was also the one he regretted the most…

_Peter couldn't move any closer. Thunder growled lazily in the distance as he stared with horror-filled eyes at his lover. His fingers itched and his knees burned. He wanted to run… He wanted to move to Killian's side, pull him into a hug and never let go. He wanted to cry into the man's shoulder and tell him everything… Everything that Killian meant to him. Instead, he stood there; frozen. _

_Hook sat at the cliff's edge, his legs dangling over. His eyes were puffy and red from crying. He kept laughing, despite the tears that were streaming down his face, staining his cheeks and wetting his tunic. _

_Peter still didn't move. He watched the pirate bring out a bottle of rum, taking a few deep, selfish gulps before throwing the bottle over the cliff and watching it shatter against the jagged rocks in the water below. Peter winced. _

"_You know what'so bloo'y great 'bout this island?" Hook asked through slurred words. He laughed again as another bottle of rum appeared in his hands. "I c'n drown on rum! I don't even have to jump!"_

_Peter clenched his toes, curling them into the dirt. _

"_That's the best thing 'bout this island! You always get what'ya wan'!" Hook's words sounded elated, but Peter knew better. He was verging on madness. Peter watched as the man's shoulders shook and heard the pained sobs from the pirate. _

"_Killian…" Peter said finally, ending his silence. _

_The pirate turned to look at Peter, almost as if he didn't recognize him. "You're a monster…" Hook said softly. "Look what you've done to me…" _

_Peter didn't even bat an eye. He hardened his shoulders and straightened out his neck, waiting to hear the rest this pirate had brewing in his mind. _

_Hook took another deep swig from the rum bottle. "You were always so cute with your…lil soft cheeks n'yer roun' eyes. I should have known better…" Another swig. "I suffered every beating, every cut and every pathetic excuse from your foul mouth!" He finished the bottle off, throwing it down. "I SUFFERED!" he shouted. "I SUFFERED EVERY DAY IN HOPES YOU'D COME AROUND! I suffered in hopes that you'd really…truly love me." He rocked dangerously. _

_Peter almost moved forward, but he didn't. He continued to listen. _

_Hook turned, crawling away from the cliff's edge, though he looked more like a baby just learning how his limbs worked. His arms tangled into each other and he fell face forward, rolling onto his back as he looked up at the sky, moaning in misery. "I believed….I believed in you…"_

_Peter closed his eyes. He couldn't take this. He didn't like this Hook. He didn't like seeing the man he loved more than anything, anyone-reduced to some crumbling, shamble of a man with a sob story to tell at a pub. He didn't like seeing the red rims that traced those once sparking bright eyes. He didn't like seeing those sunken cheeks or that disheveled hair. Who was this man? Where had his Killian Jones gone? He heard shuffling sounds of grass and rock followed by silence. Peter opened his eyes to see the pirate with his arms spread wide and his back to Pan. _

"_I want to die…" the man said softly. _

_Peter stepped forward. He took another step, and another until his body pressed against the pirate's and he took the man into a hug. His face was nestled between the man's shoulder blades. He said nothing. He just simply held Hook. The man's body seemed to relax and to Peter's surprise, he felt arms wrap around his own. _

"_I still believe in you…." Hook admitted. _

"_And I still love you," Peter whispered. It was all he needed to hear. It was all they needed to say. Peter made up his mind that he'd go along with his plan despite how much it hurt him… Hook believed in him…and that's what he had wanted all along. _

Hook shoved his hands into his pockets, looking at Peter with eyes that the boy could barely even recognize. They were so clouded, so lost to him. "Was it all a game to you?"

"No."

Hook nodded, though he didn't look entirely convinced. He ran his tongue over his top lip in thought. "Did you know you would…then?"

"Yes. I'd thought about it for some time. That day I decided upon it."

Hook winced as pain crawled over his shoulders and etched itself so evidently in his face it practically turned him a shade lighter. He took a step back, getting closer to the edge. "How could you love someone…and do that to them?"

Peter opened his mouth but he took a moment to collect his thoughts. "I didn't think I had a choice-"

"You could have _told_ me!" Hook interrupted, anger lacing his words as his volume threatened to become a full-blown yell. He took a step closer to Peter. "We could have found a way, together."

Peter looked away, pursing his lips for a moment. He closed his eyes, much like he had all those years ago, trying to reach at something that could sway this situation. He could feel how close Emma was getting to her son now… "I'm going to die soon," Peter said. "I'm going to die and if I don't succeed again. I will die."

"That's why Henry's here?" Hook asked, much calmer now.

"Yes."

"So he's the pig you're leading to the slaughter this time." Hook laughed softly, but it was dark and brimming with anger. "You love him too?"

"Killian...no," Peter said, desperation evident in his tone. "I lost you once. I can't bear to lose you again."

"I died the day you tried to take my heart." Hook walked by the boy, brushing his shoulder against his. He paused, his lips just a few inches away from Peter's ear. "I don't even know where to start from that."

"But you want to?" Peter asked softly.

Hook pressed his lips to Peter's temple before walking away.

Peter furrowed his brow, letting the air he didn't even know he was holding in his lungs escape into the world. He looked back, but Hook wasn't there. Silence clouded the air around him; thick and heavy like a fog. He swallowed hard. He never apologized. He never explained his reasons or even made any excuses, yet Hook was here again. This was Peter's second chance and he'd do anything to make sure it went his way…

* * *

I think I'm almost to the end of this story. I've been writing another one though. I can't believe there aren't more stories about these two. If anyone knows of any on tumblr or on here, please let me know? I'd like to read them.


	6. Killian

While writing this I started to get some extreme muscle pains so the ending may feel rather rushed, but I really just wanted to get another chapter out. This poor story seems to never be proofread. Poor thing. XD As I mentioned before, this story is almost to a close. I have no idea how I'll spin it though. I've got ideas, but I can't decide which one. I guess it depends on the music I listen to. X'D

* * *

_Come up to meet you, tell you I'm sorry_  
_ You don't know how lovely you are_  
_ I had to find you, tell you I need you_  
_ Tell you I'll set you apart_

_ Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions_  
_ Oh let's go back to the start_  
_ Running in circles, coming in tails_  
_ Heads on a science apart_

Hook continued to make his way through the dark forest, feeling the sweat of his back act as glue against his tunic, pressing it firmly into his skin. He sighed, slugging off his jacket and folding it over an arm. The air flowed softly through his tunic freely now, but not enough to cool him down. His blood raced through his veins, as if some life or death situation was slowly getting closer and closer. His palms were exceptionally sweaty and his fingers shook slightly. What was he doing? How could he do this? It felt like some kind of twisted betrayal. Though the one being betrayed wasn't Emma, it was himself. He'd fought since he got here, or had he? Or had his mind been made up the very second he arrived? The moment he saw Pan again, all the confliction, the anger, the desire… It had all swelled like a crescendo of a grand symphony. He couldn't hide from all the noise his soul made when it cried out for what it truly wanted.

He felt weak in the knees as he continued to slog through the jungle, listening to the insects buzz and the owls hoot. He paused, crashing down atop his knees, his hands bracing himself as he fell onto all fours, panting from the excessive heat and the exasperation he finally felt. He was surprised though, instead of being bogged down with misery he felt lighter. He wasn't lying to himself. He wasn't trying to kid anyone. He loved Peter Pan; he would always love Peter Pan, even after Peter had tried to rip Hook's heart from his chest to selfishly secure his own immortality.

He rose up, his weight now fully on his knees as he began to laugh, feeling the last remaining weight resting atop his shoulders fly away. He rolled his neck, standing up and brushing himself off, and grabbing his coat. He didn't know if he'd bought Emma enough time to retrieve Henry, part of him now knew that he hoped for nothing less of a full disappointment for the Savior. If Emma got Henry, Peter would die, and that was something that Hook just couldn't withstand at this point. For years now, he'd been sandstone flush against the beating waves of the ocean, whittling away to nothing with each crushing wave. He was worn down to the bare brittle bits and losing Pan would only cause him to be weathered down into nothing.

Flinging his coat over his shoulder, he walked with a purpose now, moving briskly through the jungle toward the compound he still knew all too well. He could see the glow of the fires; he could hear the occasional laugher of the Lost Boys.

He stepped out from the brush, revealing himself to them all. Many pairs of eyes came to rest on Hook's physique. Though it was Felix who spoke, "It's good to see where your loyalties truly lie, Pirate."

Hook smirked, tossing his leather trench coat onto a rock and loosened the drawstrings on his v-neck tunic. "Well… I had to be convincing to them, didn't I?"

Felix smirked, pulling his hood down to expose his full face and that mess of blonde hair. Hook was intimidated at first by Felix. He had always thought that the two of them were lovers originally, or that Peter had been cheating on him with Felix all along, but now, he wasn't so sure. Peter had never spoke much about his relationships with anyone, but he'd always been open about how he felt for Hook, even if it was in strange or roundabout ways. Peter had always been loyal. It was a shame Hook couldn't see it before, but perhaps that was for the best, because now their reunion would only be that much stronger.

"Where's Peter?" Hook asked as he looked about the faces of the Lost Boys.

"He took Henry to go save magic," a younger one responded. Hook didn't recognize him. He must have come to the island after the pirate had departed.

"Where?" Hook asked, his gaze fixing on Felix.

"Skull Rock," Felix answered flatly.

Hook didn't wait for anyone else to speak. He left his trench coat and began running down the paths he assumed would have faded from his mind, but they hadn't. Each rock and vine was exactly where it was when he was here with Peter, running through the trees playing tag with the Natives. Every curve in the trail was greeted with knowledgeable feet as they swiftly turned courses and balanced with ease. It was like Hook had never left. Elation surged through his body, pouring ecstasy into his lungs, allowing him to never get tired as he ran at full speed. It'd be different this time. They'd be more honest this time…

He'd tell Peter how much he truly loved him this time…

* * *

When Skull Rock came into view, Hook slowed down to a brisk jog. He kept to the shadows, making sure no one was there, but unfortunately, Emma, Regina and Neal were all there, waiting around for something. Cursing under his breath, the pirate slunk further into the brush trying to decide on some kind of game plan. He could just simply walk up to them, it wasn't as if they knew he'd committed mutiny against Emma. He knew full well that there was only one way into Skull Rock, and that was exactly where they were blocking. Making up his mind, Hook moved away from the jungle and down the path to the beach where he willed a boat into existence. It was strange, how he was the only adult to be able to bring whatever he wanted right before him. Hook had always thought it was Peter who created everything for him, but now he was rather sure it couldn't have always been him. It was almost like Neverland was supporting his decisions to always stay with Peter. After all, there were no kings in Neverland- just Peter Pan.

"Hook? What're you doing?" Emma asked as Hook's row boat was in ear shot of her.

"I wanted to see how far you got!" he answered truthfully. "Where's Henry?"

"Pan has him. He's got this spell up. No one can go in with a shadow," Emma said as she helped Hook out of his boat. "Rumple's up there with him."

"He removed his shadow," Regina mentioned. "We now just have to block out the shadows and we're good."

"And then we can all go up there?" Hook asked raising his brows in hope.

"That's the plan," Regina said as she turned to look up at the moon. "I… I need help."

"With..magic?" Emma asked uncertain. Hook was amused by this spectacle. Peter had never lost anything in his life, not even Hook despite their horror of a first relationship, but here the pirate was again, ready to rekindle lost love in hopes that a new, stronger bond would form for them.

He watched as both Regina and Emma performed a spell to blot out the moon. The moment he watched his shadow vanish, he bolted up the stairs, running toward Peter, praying that everything was alright for him.

When he reached the top, he saw Peter with Henry. Henry was holding out his heart, seemingly conflicted in what he was about to do, and Peter couldn't hide his eager eyes and his twitching fingers from Hook. He was anxious, though so was Hook. The sooner this was all over, the sooner he could be truly reunited with Peter.

"Killian?" Peter seemed momentarily caught off guard at the sight of the pirate.

Before they had any more time, Emma Neal and Regina came to meet them all. Instead of engaging in the ongoing battle of wits and coercion, Hook chose to watch everyone. Peter had been surprised that Hook had shown up, that was entirely evident in the way his eyes had rounded out and his eye brows had raised to gently brush against the tips of his bangs. He seemed nervous in the way he moved around Henry, trying to lead the boy to the slaughter despite his parents trying to give him kind words of truth without being to abrupt about it all. Before Hook had any time to truly register the words anyone was saying, a green light exploded from Henry and Pan knocking him back along with the rest of the group.

"Come find me!" Peter said to Hook as he rose into the air and flew out one of the eye sockets of Skull Rock's face.

Hook watched as his once companions fled over to Henry, shaking him and calling out his name. "It's no use!" Hook called out. "Pan never fails."

Emma turned to face the pirate. Her eyes were alight with such intense determination that they were practically glowing. "We will save him!"

Hook stood up, brushing off his pants, tsking with his tongue. "Don't you get it? Pan's immortal now."

"Emma, your sword!" Regina called out from where she was perched over Henry's body.

They all looked at the small bit of blood. "You hurt him."

Hook took a few steps back, momentarily worried.

"If we can hurt him, we can kill him," Regina said through a sick smile.

Hook took this as his best moment to depart from everyone here. "You all get Henry somewhere safe. I'm going to find out what I can with the Lost Boys," Hook lied as he turned on his ankle toward the boats below. Panic surged into his veins, weighing down his limbs and racing his heart. He couldn't let them kill Peter, not after they had both come so far. He was openly admitting to himself now. He loved Peter. He didn't care about what happened in the past. There had been some truly terrible moments, but there had also been magical ones, full of laughter, soft touches and stolen kisses; Or tangled toes, cold noses brushing against each other and warm arms in the middle of the night. Hook wouldn't lose that again. This time… He was prepared to die if it meant saving Peter. Henry had to stay dead.

* * *

Jumping out of the boat and onto the shore, Hook took off at a blank run once more, only this time, his legs burned after awhile and his lungs began to sputter from exhaustion. He slowed down in pace, panting as he tried to keep moving despite how much his muscles groaned in protest.

"Getting old are we?"

Hook looked to see Peter leaning against a thick tree trunk, that gorgeous smirk painted against his features. "They cut you."

Peter looked down at the cut, shrugging it off. "It won't mater soon."

"Don't misjudge the ferocity of two mothers," Hook said as he took Peter's arm into his hands, looking at the cut.

Peter pulled away, trying to hide his injured limb behind his body. "I'll be fine, Killian."

There it was again… Peter always showed such ferocity in affection in the smallest of ways, ways that made a man like Killian Jones feel that there was so much love it was practically overflowing, but this, this was always that reminder that Peter was so much more complicated than he seemed. Cold, distant and reserved… Those were the traits Peter was best known for and those were the traits he showed so much more often than what Killian would have liked. "Do you want us to be together?" Hook asked bluntly.

Peter furrowed his brow. "What? Are you seriously going to try to have this conversation right now? I have to go to my Thinking Tree."

"Don't make me regret this," Hook threatened.

Peter took Hook's hands into his own, pulling them against his newly added heart. Hook felt the hastened beating of the muscle inside the boy's body. "I promise you, Killian. We'll truly have forever together, you just have to trust me."

"I do trust you."

They shared a quick chasten kiss before Peter turned quickly, grabbing at one of Hook's hands and pulled him along the darkened paths of Neverland. "Quick, we have to hide!"


	7. Monster

This chapter I feel is my strongest yet when it comes to showing off the raw emotion both characters have for each other. It is also the chapter I found my "theme" song for them. Take a listen if you want! Obviously you need to add a few things to make it a proper url code, but yeah!

www youtube watch?v=TsNmHguG5Y0

Again, this isn't proofread!

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_The leaves will fall_  
_And so will you_  
_When you do, bury me under them too_  
_Seconds pass, we'll make it through_  
_Eventually we all go home_  
_It won't be long_

Peter's heart was pounding so loudly in his ears he felt like the rest of Neverland could hear it. He felt as if it were shaking the ground they now crouched on as they watched Emma, Snow and Regina make their way frantically through the forest. At any second…he could swear they would hear it too and turn around and spot him and his Pirate Captain, finally reunited. "They're going to the compound," Peter said softly. He felt Hook nodding, tingling his temple with a softly bristled chin. "I can't do anything like this, not yet."

Peter felt firm hands grab at his shoulders, turning him slightly to face Hook. The pirate wore a crooked, confident smile. "I'll protect you."

Peter offered a smile, but it was reserved, and more to make the pirate stop looking at him like that… There was such devotion, such utter attachment. Was Hook always this in love with him? Peter recalled various times where there was such affection, but there was always something holding Hook back, like the dam was on the verge of exploding, but it never did…

_It was cold, despite being under the covers with his lover's arms wrapped tightly around him. Sex always made the air seem cooler. Peter never understood why. Perhaps it had something to do with how sweaty the two got during the act. Sighing he pressed his back firmly against Hook's chest, feeling his chest hair tickle at his shoulder blades with each of their breaths. _

"_You alright?" Hook's husky voice whispered softly, as if the moon may shatter if they spoke too loud. _

"_Cold's all," Peter slurred sleepily. Hook pressed a soft kiss onto the boy's temple, before placing another on his cheek bone and then a final one atop his jugular vein in his neck. _

"_We could light a fire?" Hook suggested as he pulled more of the covers atop Peter and less on him._

_Peter curled his fingers into the blankets. They were old, worn and had the very distinct smell of sweat and dirt. He'd need to take them to the river to wash them eventually. "No. I don't want to hear anything else but this."_

"_But what?" Hook asked as he propped his head up with one of his hands. "Me eventually snoring loudly?"_

_Peter turned around, to face Hook. Their faces were just mere inches away. "I can hear how much you love me, even if you hardly say it." He poked at Hook's chest, right above his heart. _

_Hook laughed, but it was distant and a bit hesitant. He grabbed at Peter's hand, lacing his fingers with the boy's but Peter knew better. It wasn't out of affection, it was a distraction. _

"_You do love me, right?" Peter asked, his soft voice barely above a whisper. The Lost Boys were sleeping all around his tree house either just under the stars, in hammocks or in small tents, but if Peter was loud enough, they could wake. Unfortunately, when Hook did a very certain thing with his tongue on a very certain spot…that seemed to happen frequently… _

_Hook smiled, but the light gesture didn't reach his heavy eyes. Peter laughed bitterly, sitting up, allowing for the covers to spill from his shoulders to come crumpling into his lap. His body practically glowed from the silver moonlight. "We've been together for five years, and you still can't say it?" _

_Hook sat up as well, sighing heavily as if he were about to embark on a journey he didn't want to have at all. "It's complicated, Pan."_

"_Peter," Peter said all too quickly. "You call me…Peter. They call me Pan." Familiarity had been important to Peter. For when Hook called him that, it was more intimate than calling him what he became all those years ago… It was why he never liked calling Hook anything but Killian, unless he was angry with him-which happened a lot, but still…_

"_Pe-ter," Hook said slowly, annunciating each syllable. "It's this whole place… I never know what day it is, what time it is. I don't know how long I've been here… Time just…" He scrunched up his face, as if he wasn't able to find the right words no matter how hard he tried. _

"_Time is irrelevant here. We have all the time in the world," Peter said as he scooted closer to Hook, placing a few kisses atop his cheeks, his nose, his brow…_

_Hook shifted away. Peter winced, feeling anger boiling in the pit of his stomach. _

"_You have to understand… Being with you is…"Hook hesitated. He seemed to be extremely well aware of the danger he was about to get himself into. "It's difficult."_

"_How? All I want to do is love you. You're the one who pushes me away."_

"_I'm a pirate… But I have honor. I have a code. What's your code, Peter? It's always about you. Everything has to be for you. I fight for my men, my friends… You only fight for yourself." _

"_And that makes you not love me?"_

"_It's not that I don't love you. It's that… I fear you as much as I love you."_

_Peter offered no evidence of being shocked. Instead, he allowed his breaking heart to shatter slowly on the inside, never changing the way his face looked, or where he hands were placed in his lap. He simple blinked a few times, looking at Hook before deciding to turn away and slip back under the covers. _

"_I'm sorry, Peter," Hook said._

"_You have nothing to be sorry for," was all Peter said before closing his eyes and forcing sleep…even though he knew it wasn't an escape, it was a prison, for Peter Pan never dreamed in Neverland. _

Hook snapped a few times in front of Peter's face, trying to pull the boy back to reality. "Peter! Helloooo?"

Peter swatted at Hook's hands in a bit of annoyance. "What?!" he hissed.

"You were staring…and you started to cry. Do you feel alright?"

'_Do I feel alright? You've been the reason I've been nothing but an emotional rollercoaster all my existence… Am I alright?!'_ "Yes. It's Henry's heart… There's so much in it."

Hook seemed to digest that lie perfectly. "We should get you to your Thinking Tree."

Nodding, Peter moved silently behind Hook, wincing every so often as Henry's heart fed into his veins his true immortality. They had walked mostly in silence. Neverland seemed so much quieter now. Peter knew the Lost Boys were betraying him. He could hear it in the back of his mind. He knew everything that happened here. Did they honestly think he wouldn't find out? Did they honestly think they could betray him? Though, not all were so quick to change sides. Felix still remained loyal. Felix would always remain loyal. It was one of the reasons Peter had brought him to Neverland in the first place.

When they reached the tree, Peter went up into it, its vines stretching down to greet him lovingly, holding him like a mother would a child, pulling him up high into the branches where he sat alone. "Go hide! I'll be safe here!" he called down to Hook.

The pirate stalled for a moment before turning and disappearing off into the lush jungle. Alone, Peter rested his head against the tree's trunk, taking in the scent of the jungle. Though it didn't take his mind long to decide the scent of leather was much more appealing.

"_I fear you as much as I love you…"_

"_I won't be your toy…"_

"_You can tell me anything you know…"_

"_You're a monster… Look at what you've done to me…"_

Their relationship had never been all sunshine and daisies. Hook was a man that needed sunshine and daisies after the life he'd had. He needed someone to love him implicitly. Someone who didn't hurt him, or challenge him at every turn of the way. It was here in this tree… that Peter regretted loving Hook. Because when he first started to love the pirate… all he wanted was to win and when he'd won the pirate… All he wanted was to destroy him; and when he destroyed him… Peter destroyed himself.

_Bloody hands pulled back from the pirate as magic barred his exit from his lover's chest cavity with the pirate's still-beating heart. Peter cried out in anger as he was forced to release the muscle, falling back onto the ground inside Skull Rock. _

_He didn't want to look at the man who'd fallen to his knees just a few feet away. He didn't want to hear the sobs, the soft "why's" and "how could you's." He just wanted to take his miserable failure, lick his wounds and forget this had ever happened. But that wasn't an option, so he looked up._

_He saw Hook's pale face. He saw the purple circles under the pirate's eyes as he stared on at Peter with eyes that saw but did not see. He saw the subtle twitches of the man's lips, like he was on the verge of speaking, but never uttering a sound. He saw the shaking fingers and the tears coming to slide down his neck… _

_What had Peter done? _

_He stood up, looking at the blood on his hands, Killian's blood… "Killian…"_

_Hook didn't speak, he just shook his head, clutching his stomach like he was going to be sick. The man lost his balance and crumbled to the ground, curling up and tucking his knees under his chin. _

_Peter could feel the last bit of his soul drying up, and shriveling away. _

_He saw the soft shaking of the man's shoulders, he heard the constrained sniffles and anguished, whispered sobs. _

"_Ki-Killian… It wasn't… It wasn't supposed to be this way…"_

_The pirate never looked back. _

_Looking on for the last time, saving the image of the pirate, the smiles they had shared, the tears they had let dry on each other's cheeks, and the nights where all they did was hold each other. Peter turned away, looking up at the hourglass, cursing its existence. _

"_You all can leave Neverland… I won't stop you." He flew out one of the open cavities of the rock's face. Only then did he hear the gut-wrenching sounds of a man who had lost everything… Tears clouded Peter's vision as he fell into the ocean, feeling its icy waters rush up against his body, stabbing him like tiny little needles for all the wrongs he'd never done to Hook. He didn't want to leave the waters, but he felt hands pulling at him, and suddenly there was a canoe with Felix atop it. _

"_You did it?" the boy asked._

"_No. I couldn't."_

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**A/N: **While I do write this mainly for my own enjoyment, I really would like to hear feedback from any of you as readers. Any of you listen to the song? Did you listen to it while reading? Did it enhance the story? Do you have any music you particularly like to listen to when reading this story? I seem to enjoy listening to classical music when I write it, always morose pieces though!


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